I saved your life and it saved myself

I used to hate my body
For being a girl
When most of all 
I wanted to be
a boy
So I could become
Like my father 
who I loved so much
and wanted to be more alike

I used to hate my mother
because I was growing
to become like her
and I feared it
since she was so cold
and loveless

For every time 
he grabbed my genitals
I hated me more
for being born
A thing for people

To do 
whatever they wanted to do with
I was nothing
An empty shell
Lifeless 

I used to be 

so filled with anger
I could not change 

the world I lived in
so I hated everything

I used to fall in love
With all beauty I could find
Genderless,
open to all kindness
to become happier

I searched for every kind of love
In everyone and everything
And became lonelier
and lost myself
searching

Then I had to choose
To save a life
or get rid of it
and I saved it
and saved myself
 
I was blessed 
with two lives

to learn from
I came to see
Were love was 
supposed to come from
and how a life could be
I found out 
Your love for me

I stayed beside them
Holding them
and fought against my anger
and deep hatered
towards myself



It slowly changed 
into a kind of prideness
of being the one
Giving birth to them
getting to be beside them
as they grew and became
who they are

Now I am so grateful
to be alive 
creating
I don't need to change
I am for you
God made me too
A body, soul and mind
so true